You are welcome here....

I started off thinking I was going to do a weight loss blog. That was too one dimensional for me - but I absolutely love some of the ones I follow! This is a typical, broad spectrum, anything goes hybrid of diary and therapy for me. You are welcome here.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Momma lied

Okay - I love my Mom. However, when I was a kid and would get my feelings hurt or had a friend lie to me or overheard not so nice comments, she would tell me that kids could be mean and it would all be better when I was a grown up. Well, I joke with her about it now and she laughingly replies that she had to say SOMETHING to keep me from slitting my wrists ( I was already a cutter, so she wasn't too far off - but that is another post). The point is that what she said was really not true. IT is not "better" as an adult. I know there are just some people that are more sensitive in this world -and I will quickly raise my hand to admit to being one of them. I am not, nor ever have been, one of those people that pick on someone else to fit into a group. I have always, even as a child, formed my own opinion about people. Perfect? Far from it - I continue to work on forgiveness and compromise. But mean? Never.....
So now the circle has come back around. I am a mother. I have a sensitive child. She doesn't understand when she is left out, made fun of for such terrible things as wearing a dress, or when she has someone act in a down right rude way to her.
Of course, the sisters can be TERRIBLE to each other - but not to other kids. So, me eldest in particular, truly struggles with navigating this world with all the meanness, snubbery, snobbery, and cliques...so what do I do? Do I tell her it will all be better when she is older? I know that is not true, but I do know as I got older I had more CHOICE in who I surrounded myself with. Also, as I've aged, I have seen my circle grow smaller but more intense - with my family buring brightest in the center. All others are shadows behind them....
I believe I will continue to raise my children encouraging kindness to everyone, but instilling a backbone that no one else really matters like family. Perhaps that will stop the sister wars - but maybe not.....
I do know this. I am proud of the type of person I have grown into. I am a good friend, a good wife, a pretty good mom, a good sister, a good daughter, and my skin has thickened. My perspective has changed with the creation and embracing of my family. I hope that I can be that example for my girls. I don't want to see my daughter's face fall when someone shuts the door in her face intentionally. I don't want to rip the head off another adult (a teacher no less), when they react nonchalantly to their child's rude behavior, and I don't want to lie to her about how everyone grows up and becomes a respectful human being. I will be honest with her about how some people have mean hearts and that she should CHOOSE to surround herself with other kind people. I hope to continue to be an example of that for her - and to continue to improve myslef along the way.

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