I have been hiding. I have shown parts of myself to many people, but never my whole self. Not to anyone...ever....I don't think I am even honest with myself. I joked awhile back on my facebook about whether insanity was an instantaneous state or if it creeped up on you slowly. Do you snap or do you just bend into oblivion? I think I may have been bending a little too much for awhile there...but am back on an even keel now.
Perhaps is was a horrid bladder infection that I tried to treat myself with Mexican antibiotics (note to others: Amoxicillin is great for upper respiratory, but not so good with bladders - oh, and it can give you a raving yeast infection too!)
So to the doctor I go, admit my self medication, grovel for the one pill yeast infection cure without the humiliation of stirrups (by God, I know what a yeast infection is!!) and 2 weeks later I am finally coming out of a fog. I am still fat. I still smoke. I still have issues with my kiddos and my life......big freakin' surprise huh?
So the pics are just how I am feeling. Behind a veil. A part of my pieces. Not feeling so upbeat and wonderful and optimistic these days. Dragging through the week - punctuated with extreme joy and then sadness. Watching the clock to get to bed at night, barely keeping up with household chores, fatigued as hell and constantly bashing myself with what I am not good at,not doing right, not getting better at.....
Then I try and ease up on myself - and just admit I am a big, fat, smoker...there - is that the worst thing in life? I am such and ADDICT! I hope to be back soon with a little something better to say about anything.....
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