Perceptions vs. Reality vs. things I know and don't want to deal with

I am taking a real good look at myself. Have you ever experienced true denial? Have you ever had people tell you something over and over again, but you just don't see it? I already joke about my reverse anorexia....you know...I see the number on the scale, I see the sizes on the tags, but I just don't think I am THAT big! Perhaps this same "denial" is occurring for my moods. It's easy to discount your mother - that's what we all do - isn't it? Especially if your mother is ready to diagnose and recommend pharmaceutical cures for everyone but herself.... But what if close friends are hinting, sharing, and making comments about the wonders of anti-depressants? Do you listen - or just nod your head and thank them so much for caring. Do you say "Thanks" or "Butt out"? Do you feel loved and cared for or annoyed and irritated? I am feeling both.
I have used anti-depressants before. For 6 months. Then I got pregnant and have not had TIME to be depressed. I am exhausted at times. Elated at others. I am bitchy sometimes - and a seemingly endless pool of patience at others. My poor kids - they never know which way I will swing. 432 warnings or a spanking- guess what's behind door number 3!!! Then again, as a behavior specialist, I know intermittent reinforcement is the most powerful! :) Special ed humor there.....
I like to read back over my posts - and I can definitely tell when I am on a upswing. The down is not in a hole - just a BLAH feeling. I function. I am not bipolar - but everyone has mood swings - right? Why does our society feel like a little valley must be jumped on and medicated? Why would I medicate myself when I don't even medicate my child? Of course - perhaps I do not medicate my child because I do not medicate myself. I despise pharmaceutical companies, drug reps, and doctors that "push" the latest drugs for wonderful freebies....kind of takes the whole trust/relationship aspect out of the equation for me.
Anyway - whoever said life was supposed to be roses ALL the time? Will taking a drug give me a nice plastic glow? Or will I truly feel more on my upswing? I don't feel depressed so much as irritated...a lot. But I believe I have almost always been that way. I am innately bitchy. I have very early memories of my mother telling me how negative I was. Of course - I like to consider myself just more of a realist...
So - long rant cut short, I do have an appointment with my family physician at 4:15 today. I had to go anyway to go over some blood work. Might as well discuss medication for mild to moderate depression with him. I mean - what's a little more weight gain, possible seizures or liver damage really stack up against being a shiny, happy person?
I don't know...maybe it will be worth it.
I may do a little research though.. I wonder what the percentages are of women with 3 young children, full time jobs, work-related absentee husbands, compound living, disabled brother, over qualified for their job types that are medicated? I am guessing quite a few. Of course - food and nicotine have been my 2 favorites - but I am (once again) quitting one and possibly thinking about moderating the other....
We shall see......